Narrator: This, as you may recognize, is a map of the United States and there’s a little town there called Trumpsville.
On a given morning not too long ago the rest of the world disappeared and Trumpsville was left all alone. Its inhabitants were never sure whether the world was destroyed and only Trumpsville left untouched, or whether the village had somehow been taken away.
They were, on the other hand, sure of one thing—the cause. A monster had arrived in the village.
Just by using his mind, he took away justice, freedom, and morality, because they displeased him. And he moved an entire community back into the dark ages just by using his mind.
Now, I’d like to introduce you to some of the people in Trumpsville.
These are Judges Roberts, Thomas, and Alito. It’s in their courthouse that the monster presides.
These two are Sen. McConnell and Speaker Johnson.
And this is Ivanka, who probably had more control over the monster in the beginning than almost anyone. But one day she forgot. She began to speak aloud. Now, the monster doesn’t like her speaking so his mind snapped at her, and turned her into this smiling, vacant thing you’re looking at now. She speaks no more.
And you’ll note that the people in Trumpsville, USA have to smile. They have to think happy thoughts and say happy things because once displeased, the monster can wish them into Gitmo or change them into a Big Mac and fries.
This particular monster can read minds, you see. He knows every thought, he can feel every emotion.
Oh, yes, I did forget something, didn’t I? I forgot to introduce you to the monster. This is the monster. His name is Donny Trump.
He’s seventy-eight-years-old with a rakish, frat-boy face; grey-blue, guileful eyes; and a six-year-old’s mind. But when those eyes look at you, you’d better start thinking happy thoughts because the mind behind them is absolutely in charge.
Roberts: Howdy, Donny. Mighty good to see you today.
Donny: Mighty good.
Thomas: And it’s such a good day, isn’t it?
Donny: It’s a real good day!
Alito: What are you doing, Donny?
Donny: I made a stripper with three boobs. See her? (Glancing toward Ivanka)
McConnell: Yeah.
Johnson: Yeah, my, she’s a real fine one.
Thomas: I ain’t never seen a stripper with three boobs before, ‘cept in Total Recall.
Donny: I’ll make her dead now. I’m tired of playing with her. Be dead. Stripper, you be dead!
Alito: My, my, that’s real fine that you done that. That’s—that’s real fine, Donny.
Roberts: You’re a good boy, Donny.
All with Ivanka nodding: We all love you.
Narrator: We only wanted to introduce you to this singularly immune citizen—little Donny Trump, age not allowed to say, who lives in a village called Trumpsville, in a place that used to be the USA.
And if by some strange chance you should run across him, you had best think only MAGA thoughts. Anything less than that is handled at your own risk.
Because if you do meet Donny you can be sure of one thing—you have entered the Trump Zone.
