By S. Fan
I have destroyed all the documents, the data, the materials, and the results from this research. The only thing remaining is the original of my diary. I’ve saved it as a kind of souvenir. It’s the only excuse I have for sparing it.
7/27/17 am
It is now the beginning of the twenty-first century, and cancer still plagues the human body — without even a hint of a cure. Although the development of three-dimensional laser surgical techniques allows us to remove malignant tumors with digital precision, it still is not possible to distinguish easily between cancer cells and normal ones. Hence, even a computer can’t tell which is friend and which is foe.
And even now, whenever a human body is slightly contaminated with radiation it becomes an unstable country — at any time a body’s normal cells could betray it and join the ranks of the revolutionary cancer army!…
To destroy them seems to be our only choice….
7/27/17 pm
Looking at those vital tumors extracted from the body of Professor Busotu, I have suddenly gotten the urge to write! But the lab is a real mess — what could Ryunosuke be busy with? The professor’s corpse hasn’t been processed yet! And that dissected corpse will take a lot of time to dispose of….
It will take several days before all of this settles down.
8/12/17
I have come to the lab because of Ryunosuke Shimura. (I’m writing this diary without much editing, it’s very sketchy.)
Everything in the lab is nearly settled down. We didn’t do any further research on the professor’s corpse — it didn’t make much sense. We just picked up the specimens and destroyed them, leaving only some tumor masses floating in the nutrient solution in the culture box — something for someone with a rich imagination to think about.
Everything was returning to normal. With only the two of us, there was going to be some idle time, I thought.
I decided to write down a short record of what happened during the past two years — but it won’t be something like a scientific report, for the only conclusion we obtained from Busotu’s experiment is that no academic institution in the world would believe what happened nor recognize its validity. Alas! I just thought I’d keep a little record for my own sake. Even though my colleagues all think I’m wasting my time, I don’t care. I won’t digress further….
I have come to the lab because of Ryunosuke Shimura — he’s calling me again as I’m writing. In a way he just treats me like an intern.
P.S. I should remember not to digress.
8/15/17
Ryunosuke Shimura was a colleague of mine in the hospital. We met in ’08 or ’09. He had graduated from Tokyo University Medical School with two doctorates one in biochemistry and the other in neurology — I think that’s correct.
He had a polished appearance — thick eyebrows, red lips — and his temperament was pretty much like that of Japanese nobles of old. But behind his back many people would say he was bisexual. Indeed, looking at his powder-white face after a while could make you a little uneasy….
Perhaps just because we were both Asians, we later became friends. He being decisive and I being cautious made us a good team in the operation room. The way Ryunosuke operated the laser cutter was so masculine and samurai-like — maybe his ancestors were warriors, I often thought. As for me, well, I take things easy. I’m in no hurry. We Chinese don’t behave like that.
It was Ryunosuke who told me about Busotu’s theory. At that time I was preparing to apply for a postdoc at the Pacific Research Institute. When I heard him say, “A cancer is an advanced creature in evolution — even more advanced than a human being,” I laughed so hard that I could hardly breathe. Everyone knows canceration is a retrogressive mutation! How could a cancer be an advanced creature in the evolution? It was simply a big joke!
But when Ryunosuke continued, I became a little nervous.
First, he said, a cancer cell evolves from a normal cell in the body. It is not an intruder coming from the outside. Second, as for its genes, its DNA codes are almost the same as that of the normal cell; and because its origin resembles that of the normal cell, there is no physical or biochemical way to clear it from the body. Third, because of changes occurring in the outside environment (most of this due to human efforts), this leads to an increase in abnormal factors and thus to a growth in the percentage of cancer occurrences. This is very close to an evolutionary characteristic.
But I still argued with him:
A cancer does not have the ability to live by itself, it is basically parasitic. Second, it cannot produce a second generation; it can only evolve automatically from the body. I argued that based on these two points, a cancer does not satisfy the criteria for being a new creature.
But, he countered, as Busotu’s theory indicates, a cancer is a kind of universal adaptation and mutation in the global biological system. It cannot itself constitute a new life form, but it is an intermediate transitionary form of life on earth!
Therefore, a cancer cannot be called “a life” yet, but people who have cancers can be considered to be a transitional life form in the evolutionary process! Ryunosuke also pointed out that this is an evolutionary struggle which has lasted for hundreds of centuries. Since the evolution of cancers is not yet complete, those with cancers always end up dying before their time. But perhaps after several millennia, this evolutionary change will succeed. At that time there will be a new kind of being: the CANCER!!!
After listening I stood there stunned, eyes open and tongue stiff as a knot. He couldn’t prove he was right, but I couldn’t show that he was wrong. The answer would lie in the long road of evolution; no one could predict the result.
From that time on I became a follower of Professor Busotu.
For two years, we have been using Ganges monkeys to search for a life form that could coexist with cancer cells, but we failed. The three of us were very much aware that this was just a crazy idea — no creature in existence could stand this kind of change. We were trying to create something in the lab that would normally take millions of years of evolution — a fairy tale indeed!
What we got after two years of experiments was just more statistical samples — no breakthrough of any kind. This was something that Ryunosuke could not tolerate.
About a year ago, Professor Busotu was also stricken with cancer, and passed away on July 25 of this year. Not even in his corpse could we find any hint of cancerous evolution … but he did satisfy his will, becoming a bloody tumorous mess.
9/9/17
The tumors from professor’s corpse began to deteriorate….
I’m thinking about leaving the lab, not because I doubt the theory, but only that the experiment does not have any applicability.
Ryunosuke does not seem to want to give up, but tomorrow I will tell him why I want to go! Still, he appears to be designing a new research project. Sometimes I can’t help but admire that famous, mysterious strength of the Japanese!
9/10/17
Ryunosuke didn’t say anything, but only asked me to take a look at his proposal before deciding whether to leave or stay. It doesn’t matter whether I stay around for a few more days….
9/22/17
Ryunosuke gave me his research proposal. Only now after so many years, do I really understand this noble Japanese!
I knew that he had a deep understanding of philosophy, but after reading through his proposal, I realized that for one of us the scientific spirit had turned sour, and that one was not I!
“…and then I will use subjective recognition to determine whether cancer cells can have any empirical form.” he wrote.
How could he use the scientific method to design an experiment on such a meaningless subject? I didn’t have much to say, but told him that he’d better get some sleep. I’m prepared to have a big argument tomorrow, if he’s still out of his mind….
9/23/17
My mind is a mess … how could Ryunosuke have convinced me … I found that the basic human predicament is not something that can be understood or interpreted by any scientific method … at least up to now!… I am quite confused….
9/25/17
The experiment is scheduled to start soon, but I still haven’t made up my mind whether or not to assist him. I’m still thinking about it, but I won’t try to stop him if he keeps on insisting. This might be the most individualistic experiment in history — perhaps it already transcends the bounds of a scientific experiment because the result will be too subjective!
10/1/17
From a certain point of view, this log will be worth preserving. At least it will show us something about the inexplicable irrationality and emotions of humankind….
Ryunosuke’s experiment was designed mainly from a philosophical point of view. First, he mentioned that until now, philosophical thoughts constructed by humans do not seem to be able to satisfy our spiritual needs .. .even though the essence of many philosophical ideas lies in the non-existence of an unique answer….
But according to Busotu’s theory, a cancer is a more advanced life form on the evolutionary ladder than human beings. If we can come to understand it better, it might be helpful for expanding the irrational mental horizons of humankind….
However, I believe that after Ryunosuke came to understand that science could not speed up human evolution, he transformed his strong expectations of evolution into a Faustian heroic ideology. In other words, he wanted to be the first human to experience the aesthetics of evolution! Was this his realization of some kind of sublimity?
Theoretically the design of the experiment is quite simple: we will try to connect his brain with a cancer, so that he can experience the possible “empirical form”, or maybe I should say the “mood” of that cancer! Of course, it had to be a neuro-system tumor, otherwise there would be no communication!
In fact, I am more interested in Ryunosuke’s attitude than in the experiment itself….
10/5/17
Ryunosuke signed the agreement for the experiment, it seems that no one can stop him from going through with it….
But I still haven’t decided whether to help him or not!
10/12/17
I finally signed! The experiment is scheduled to start the beginning of next year.
2/7/18
Everything is ready to start!
We have decided to use the radial nerve on Ryunosuke’s arm as the subject, utilizing continuous radiation to induce mutation and generate a neurocytoma! After the cancer matures, we will transplant it into his cerebral cortex and fuse them together to obtain a “spiritual intercourse.” The most important thing in this experiment is that I must monitor it very carefully to protect his autonomic nervous system from the invasion of cancer cells; however, I really don’t know how long I can keep him from danger.
2/27/18
The experiment has begun!
4/15/2018
Suddenly I don’t want to continue! Although I have fully realized from the beginning that I am nothing but the second at Ryunosuke’s narcissistic harakiri — just background, a prop … I have a strong feeling of being deceived!
Yesterday I discovered cancer cells in his nervous system!
5/1/2018
I found the object and am carefully monitoring it. Moreover, we also found some primary abnormalities in other parts of his body.
6/12/2018
We have begun to design the details of the surgery.
When we were working on the design, we continued discussing Busotu’s theory of evolution. Ryunosuke thought that cancers, these new creatures, would no longer inherit the original life forms that are found on earth. They don’t have a predetermined gene combination — this is why for many centuries they have been unable to break through! But if we wait several thousand years more, one of them may steal the gene codes from its evolutionary mother’s body and link itself to the mainstream of biological evolution on earth. However, even at that time it will be still the most diversified and amorphous life form around, and it still won’t be able to produce offspring. Therefore, its evolutionary progress will yet be very difficult! Nevertheless, there is one thing we can be sure of: that they will finally become the most variable life form, the most eclectic “philosophers”!
I don’t think that things will come to pass exactly as in Busotu’s theory; humans will figure out a way to preserve the wisdom and the knowledge that have been developed over thousands of centuries into computers and will give up this kind of life form — the body — and transfer it over to cancer, that chaotic, disorderly creature!
But Ryunosuke thought that the spiritual level of humankind was purely bound by this kind of rational thought, and the critical point of the evolution of the cancer lies in its “chaos” — its wild chess moves. Hence, cancer is a creature with a more advanced form of spirituality!
In the end we both conceded that humans will never be willing to give up the rationality that they have built up for hundreds of thousands of years, and therefore evolution will bifurcate into a rational and mechanical civilization and a purely emotional and carnal one. Human rationality will be preserved because it will be hidden in computers, but the emotional part of human nature will be devoured by the more chaotic cancer thought! Will that be another kind of Utopia? We don’t know!
6/21/2018
Other parts of Ryunosuke’s body have begun to develop cancer cells, we are trying to prevent the spread….
We named that nerve in his arm, the “Cancer Brain”. It makes people first hearing it shiver!
7/6/2018
Tomorrow I will remove the “Cancer Brain” from his arm and transplant it into his cerebrum. The operation will be very complicated, I must join the cerebral cortex to the Cancer Brain in order to develop a “thought connection”! But I also have to be extremely careful so that the Cancer Brain won’t interfere with his vital center.
Doing this is almost like waving a sword to block raindrops! I think I can only sustain him for probably about twenty days. Ryunosuke wants me to keep him going for a month, but I’m not sure I can manage it!
Now he’s in the lab doing the last preparations. I know he’s nervous, only the tedium of the work is diverting his attention. And me too! Although I know very well that once the surgery is finished he will hardly last forty days — strange, I don’t feel like a murderer at all!
7/7/2018
The operation is completed, Ryunosuke is still under anesthesia. It seems that the Cancer Brain has already begun to connect to his cortex cells … ironically, he himself was the donor. Suddenly I almost burst out laughing!
I’m tired, but I can’t sleep yet!
7/8/2018
Ryunosuke has regained consciousness, the “spiritual intercourse” has begun!
Without reason, I started to shake with excitement … in the spiritual realm, today is even more important than when people landed on the moon!
The result: his consciousness was very clear. Has the experiment failed? We are not sure!
7/9/2018
The experiment has not failed. It was only that his cerebral nerves had not yet made contact with nerve synapses of the Cancer Brain. In addition, a reflex inhibition has occurred in Ryunosuke’s brain.
The only thing to do is wait.
7/10/2018
Time is getting short and we can’t wait too much longer! I’ve already begun to use the laser cutter to protect his autonomic nervous system — I don’t know how long he can hold on! Also, similar kind of cancers have appeared in several other parts of his body. I’m trying my best to maintain his life.
Ryunosuke keeps on trying to enter the thought of the Cancer Brain, although we both know that the success of this experiment will not be determined by any human effort!
7/11/2018
We can’t fail! Otherwise, it would be just a waste of his life! He’s become even weaker!
7/12/2018
It got through!! At 11:19:37 a.m. Ryunosuke’s consciousness was suddenly interfered with strongly by something!
He started to mumble meaningless syllables. He moved about irregularly. I am absolutely certain it was not a normal neural reaction!
7/14/2018
He seemed to try his best to get rid of the interference from the Cancer Brain, his expression appeared horrible! Although his physical condition worsened, I still had my gun with me! It was a strong and strange fear….
7/15/2018
I believe that Ryunosuke is communicating to some degree with the Cancer Brain, though his behavior is still beyond prediction. I guess he would find all those philosophical theories he had read before useless!
Now his whole body began to ulcerate, and he became an exact “Cancer Man”! The cancer cells had already begun to invade his autonomic nervous system. I strove to clear them away, but the stench made it difficult for me to continue working….
7/16/2018
Ryunosuke was already too feeble to stand up and collapsed on the operating table, his whole body was covered with pus … it has become difficult to recognize that he was the same young man who was so good-looking and full of life! I believe that in two days he will be completely gangrenous….
I still have no way to figure out the condition of the “communication.” What I recorded was still a bunch of meaningless syllables! Perhaps I should look at the EEG, but I’m too tired….
7/17/2018
I believe that this will be the last page of my record.
At 3:17:21 pm., Ryunosuke suddenly got rid of the interference from the Cancer Brain, and called me vaguely…
“It’s beautiful!” These are the only words I could understand. His body looked like a monster’s. It abruptly occurred to me that I should do something — I carried him on my back to the roof of the lab and sat him up by the rail….
It was possibly an aesthetic touch, but I sensed the afternoon sunlight attach to his body floating like flower petals, his shadow on the ground was still clearly the shape of a human being….
He moved his head and looked around slowly. I was startled by the scene — the grasping of the essence and beauty of the Universe….
A million years from now, will there really be a world full of these decayed and irrational creature-philosophers?
He fell down panting … the cancer had already destroyed his vital center! Soon he stopped breathing and his body stiffened…. Only those tumors on his body still emitted pus….
I bowed my head and started to vomit!